Sacrifice

I've often wondered if I would be called to give my life for Jesus.

You know, not just live for Him but die for Him. In other words, martyrdom.

I don't want to be dramatic. But really. I don't know if I would have the courage. The will to live is strong. Could my love for God outweigh the flame inside that will do nearly anything for self-preservation?

I've prayed that I would never have to find out. I've prayed for the courage should that day come.

Am I morbid? I don't think so. My willingness to think about something that most people my age won't doesn't say whether it's worthy of my thoughts or not. I feel this is something that serious believers have to at least consider.

In philosophy class, my prof challenged the idea that dying for someone/thing is a greater sacrifice than living for them. We call death "the ultimate sacrifice," but is it? Isn't it more difficult to embody the living sacrifice that Romans calls us to?

So here I am looking four weeks of working at Bible camp in the proverbial eye. No, I don't expect to die in the next month. But I am planning on being hours behind in sleep, cleaning things I'd rather not, coping with strong-willed and high-strung campers, negotiating between people who have been around each other too long. . . . Not to say that camp doesn't have its wonderful moments. They are frequent each week and keep us all coming back every year. Yet, it would be naive to imagine that those moments of eternal victory come cheaply.

I once heard that "sacrifice" actually means to give something up with the expectation of gaining something in return. I feel like the Christian martyrs get that. They give up their lives - a daunting task to be sure - but do so with the hope of glory outweighing every threatening pain and heartache. I'm hoping that, as an Americanized Christian, I haven't put so much of a stake in the pleasures present here and now before me that I miss the possibility of invisible victories that will shake down through the ages and generations yet to come.

So, here's to what God has in store - whatever type of sacrifice He calls me toward - with faith that He will give me the grace to meet each in its time and in His way.

Meanwhile, pray for the Bible camps across the world doing missions this summer with the kids in foreign lands and in your hometowns.

The Gift of Sleep

I have been reminded lately of how good is every little gift from God - even the ones for which we often forget to thank Him.

Someone once said, "Money can buy a bed, but it can't buy sleep." As I've been wrestling for the last week with not being able to fall asleep and waking at odd times for an hour or more at a time, I realized that I took sleep as a personal right, as something that I should just expect. Perhaps, I'll give a cursory prayer on the pretense of asking for a good night's rest, but it was just a pretense because I never really considered that sleep might not be mine upon command.

Sure, I've had rough nights before, but a whole string of them is frustrating. I started getting more tense at night, feeling more desperate to sleep, watching the hours slip by - precious few allotted to me for the purpose of sleeping. I would get my chance to rest each night, but morning brought the dread of the alarm as I rose more frustrated and tired than when I had laid down.

Finally, I slept through the night last night.

You can bet I thanked God.

Maybe I'll get to thanking Him for more things. But I hope now I'll start before He sees the need to remind me of a blessing through removing it for a time.

Heaven-Blessed

You know, I like to think that I have a fair amount of faith.

I mean, I've lived through a few things, had a few trials, picked up a few battle scars along the way. I pray, read my Bible, encourage my friends with Scriptural promises. Sure, I have faith.

Until I'm asking for things for me.

Sure, I ask. Yes, I want God to do things for me. But the way I ask sure isn't faith-filled all the time. I ask and remind and then try not to get my hopes up.

What sort of faith is that?!?

This weekend, I felt like God was laughing at me, Ephesians 3 style: "Really, daughter? You're trying not to get your hopes up? Watch this."

Not only did He provide my wedding dress (affordably!), not only did He give me flowers at half price, but He threw in a veil at 50% off and a pretty little headband basically for free!

I'm still astounded.
Amazed.
Grateful.

So grateful.

37

This morning, my radio alarm switched on just in time for me to hear that the national legislature is working on changing Obamacare again. According to the report, this is the thirty-seventh time they have repealed or amended one part of the bill or another.

What a way to start the morning! Hearing about my tax dollars getting used to address the same problem thirty-seven times over, thanks to that one fateful bill they passed way back in Obama’s first term. I wish those politicians would be more careful about what they do.

I mean, I’ve never done something that dumb. Nuh-uh. Not me. No way.

Except for that one sinful habit . . . or those couple idols . . . 

Naw, that’s completely different.

To get a habit or an idol, you have to first reject the idea, then look again, then nudge it with your toe. Then you back up from it, look away, glance back, move closer. Try it just once . . .

That doesn’t sound like the democratic process of persuasion at all. Does it?

Of course, there’s the aftermath, when I realize it wasn’t as good or benevolent as it looked from the outside. The times when I repent and start fresh just to fall again.

Yeah, that might look a little like their scramble over in Washington. But at least it doesn’t take me thirty-seven times to get it right! I’m better than that, right?

What’s that, LORD? Seventy-seven . . . ?

Oh.

Fret Not Yourself

Psalm 37:1-7

Fret not yourself because of evildoers;
    be not envious of wrongdoers!
² For they will soon fade like the grass
    and wither like the green herb.

³ Trust in the Lord, and do good;
    dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
⁴ Delight yourself in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him, and he will act.
⁶ He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
    and your justice as the noonday.

⁷ Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
    fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
    over the man who carries out evil devices!

Stop comparing your situation to others’! It is already your undoing! I have given you this time and these circumstances, my daughter. Don’t you see that your envy and covetousness is ungratefulness? You have this life, tailored to meet who I made you to be. Rather than wastefully wishing it away, embrace it and let it work its purpose in you!

I love you. Come to Me; come with Me. You can trust Me. You know that. Stop fretting and be still.

A Chair by the Highway

I was driving home last night when I came across an interesting sight: a white, plastic lawn chair sitting forlornly on the side of the highway. It was properly placed on all four legs, but it must have blown out of someone's pickup bed. Still, it was eery to see it just sitting there, at least a mile from the nearest farm, three feet back on the shoulder facing the highway. Certainly no one would walk way out there just to watch traffic whiz by?

I only had a few seconds to realize what it was when my headlights illuminated it and before I was past it, but I spent most of the rest of the drive pondering it.

If a chair is not being used, it's not fulfilling its purpose.

If it's in a place where no one would wish to sit in it, what is it worth? Its function has been removed; its purpose for being is absent. It still looks like a chair, but can it even be called that if no one can sit in it? I mean, isn't that what we do with chairs? And if no one can sit in it, what is its function? Does it have one?

It reminded me of confusion in my own life.

If I am in a place where my goals are unclear, can I be useful? If I am living in the tension of what was and what will be, how do I cope with what is now?

More frighteningly, if I miss my "calling" and end up on the proverbial side of the highway, far removed from my purpose or mission, what am I worth? Am I still "Me" as I know myself?

Thankfully, I'm not currently in a place where I'm questioning my calling. I can look back on my life and see how those "side of the road" experiences were actually part of the journey to get where I am now.

Recognizing this gives hope for the areas of my life which still feel out of touch with my intrinsic purpose. Then the question becomes: can I wait patiently on the Lord (staying diligent in the things He has given me to do) while expecting Him to act, to bring it all together in His good time, and to let me know if I'm terribly off track?

Off track like a lawn chair on the shoulder of the highway.

Well, Here Goes . . .

I started blogging this semester thanks to a class requirement, and it was kind of fun. I like having a place to put down my thoughts and hear from others about them. So, if you're wanting some reading to fill dead time, or if you want to keep tabs on my life (*coughcoughMomcough*), come along. Drop me a line to make this less a monologue and more a conversation. Or don't and just read incognito. That's fine, too.

I hope you enjoy.