Sacrifice

I've often wondered if I would be called to give my life for Jesus.

You know, not just live for Him but die for Him. In other words, martyrdom.

I don't want to be dramatic. But really. I don't know if I would have the courage. The will to live is strong. Could my love for God outweigh the flame inside that will do nearly anything for self-preservation?

I've prayed that I would never have to find out. I've prayed for the courage should that day come.

Am I morbid? I don't think so. My willingness to think about something that most people my age won't doesn't say whether it's worthy of my thoughts or not. I feel this is something that serious believers have to at least consider.

In philosophy class, my prof challenged the idea that dying for someone/thing is a greater sacrifice than living for them. We call death "the ultimate sacrifice," but is it? Isn't it more difficult to embody the living sacrifice that Romans calls us to?

So here I am looking four weeks of working at Bible camp in the proverbial eye. No, I don't expect to die in the next month. But I am planning on being hours behind in sleep, cleaning things I'd rather not, coping with strong-willed and high-strung campers, negotiating between people who have been around each other too long. . . . Not to say that camp doesn't have its wonderful moments. They are frequent each week and keep us all coming back every year. Yet, it would be naive to imagine that those moments of eternal victory come cheaply.

I once heard that "sacrifice" actually means to give something up with the expectation of gaining something in return. I feel like the Christian martyrs get that. They give up their lives - a daunting task to be sure - but do so with the hope of glory outweighing every threatening pain and heartache. I'm hoping that, as an Americanized Christian, I haven't put so much of a stake in the pleasures present here and now before me that I miss the possibility of invisible victories that will shake down through the ages and generations yet to come.

So, here's to what God has in store - whatever type of sacrifice He calls me toward - with faith that He will give me the grace to meet each in its time and in His way.

Meanwhile, pray for the Bible camps across the world doing missions this summer with the kids in foreign lands and in your hometowns.

The Gift of Sleep

I have been reminded lately of how good is every little gift from God - even the ones for which we often forget to thank Him.

Someone once said, "Money can buy a bed, but it can't buy sleep." As I've been wrestling for the last week with not being able to fall asleep and waking at odd times for an hour or more at a time, I realized that I took sleep as a personal right, as something that I should just expect. Perhaps, I'll give a cursory prayer on the pretense of asking for a good night's rest, but it was just a pretense because I never really considered that sleep might not be mine upon command.

Sure, I've had rough nights before, but a whole string of them is frustrating. I started getting more tense at night, feeling more desperate to sleep, watching the hours slip by - precious few allotted to me for the purpose of sleeping. I would get my chance to rest each night, but morning brought the dread of the alarm as I rose more frustrated and tired than when I had laid down.

Finally, I slept through the night last night.

You can bet I thanked God.

Maybe I'll get to thanking Him for more things. But I hope now I'll start before He sees the need to remind me of a blessing through removing it for a time.