Eve gets a bad rap.
Centuries of church tradition lay a heavy portion of the blame for the first sin at the feet of the first woman.
I always thought that was a little rough. After all, where was Adam? Shirking his duty? Watching passively? Going along to get along?
A few years of marriage, however, have caused me to reevaluate my position.
I think Adam was a fairly ordinary guy (apart from the whole firstfruit-from-God's-hand thing).
A gentle man (the original gentleman!).
Content in the world God gave him.
Blissfully happy with this "woman" creature - one like him, yet so unlike.
Enjoying a happy life.
A nice guy.
Maybe something like my own husband (on a really good day. This is Eden we're talking about, after all!).
Consider the dynamics of your marriage. You know, and I know, that if there is something that we really, really want, there are ways to get it. When we set our heart on something, we could probably get our way over just about anything (whether or not it's good for us) given enough time and persistence. I don't have to tell you the tricks to wear down a husband's resolve. I don't have to list the arsenal we have at our disposal - seemingly since birth! - to influence the man next to us. It is positively frightening when you think about just how much sway we hold. Think of the line from "My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding": "The man may be the head, but the woman is the neck that turns the head!"
We can return, triumphant from the fray, with his "agreement," but as discerning women, we have to be aware of the cost of our "victory."
I've seen it. I've felt it. In my own marriage, primarily. In others' relationships, some.
Think about it. What happens when you've pushed and prodded and begged and huffed and cried and given the silent treatment?
Either he holds to his guns and keeps saying no, or he gives in and says yes.
What anguish of spirit there is in a man who desperately loves his woman and desires little more in this world than to please her, yet who cannot, in good conscience, give his wife the one thing she asks! Let's face it: most men like to please their wives. They don't go looking for ways to frustrate us or foil our goals. So when a godly man has reservations about a scheme that is a pet of his wife, it takes some serious mettle for him to hold his ground, even to the grief of his own heart. Then, we're angry, he's dejected, and we think we've both lost. If he would just give in already, we want to scream, then I would have what I want and things would be good again!
So what if he says yes?
If he really feels that to give me something would be wrong, and he says so, and I then corner him long enough that he caves, I get what I want! That was the goal, after all, wasn't it? To get the object of my desire?
A mere five and a half years of marriage have taught me to fear this outcome more than the abandonment of the object of my desire. Why? Because of what it does to my man and our relationship.
When I ask P for something that he feels he cannot, for the good of our family, our marriage, my own good, whatever, give me, he may attempt to tell me "no." If, after I pitch a fit, I get him to cave, I can see his spirit deflate.
He has set out to protect me, and he has failed.
He had desired to do the best thing, and he caved.
He was going to stand, but he's crushed.
His very manhood takes a hit, and unless I wise up quickly and repent, there will be lasting repercussions for his willingness to lead, my relationship with him, and his relationship with God.
Think of Adam: he goes from walking with God, for goodness's sake, to hiding in the bushes with shame.
We have that power, ladies!
You are a driving force in your husband/fiance/boyfriend/brother's life! You can be a source of anguish and shame for him, or you can build him up into the man you envisioned when you chose him to walk through life with you.
Don't think I'm letting Adam off the hook completely. He had some heart issues that caused him to go along with Eve's desires rather than God's. But I'm not writing to our men. I'm writing to us, ladies! Adam's short-comings don't hold the message for us today.
Oh, my sister, be very careful what you ask of your man!
And if, as you read this, you feel the stirrings of the Holy Spirit in you, listen closely.
You may be thinking of the way you've "won," but things haven't been the same between the two of you since.
You may be in the middle of an argument right now, and you can't believe he's being so stubborn about it.
You may be feeling vaguely guilty over the manipulative habits you've allowed yourself to indulge for years.
Don't wait another moment to make things right.
Give up that thing that you've elevated to a higher place than your spouse, your marriage, and the good of your family.
Repent.
Go, and be reconciled.
It's not too late.
But go now.
Don't wait til you're in a pickle like Esau: "when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears" (Hebrews 12:17 ESV). But rather, "now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation" (2 Corinthians 6:2).
Run - run! - toward forgiveness and blessing.
Thursday, May 30, 2019
Saturday, April 20, 2019
Clocks, Cursive, and Dinosaurs
I came across an interesting Facebook post a while back. Someone was lauding a decision by a British school to no longer teach children to read analog clocks. He compared it to American public schools removing cursive from their curriculum and celebrated both decisions as education removing archaic burdens that no longer have a place in our technological century. I disagreed, but looking at the comments, realized that it had become a collection of long arguments. I wasn't about to engage in that, since I was primarily on Facebook for 3 minutes of entertainment and not to enter into a debate with adults subtly calling each other dumb. Besides, I hadn't fully formulated my reasons for disagreeing with the person's conclusions. (Plus, Facebook is a poor forum for debate or objective analysis . . .)
A week or more later though, I was having trouble falling back to sleep after a nighttime feeding for Baby, and I found my mind cycling through the cons to the school's decision. That's when I realized that I did care.
First, I decided, it's hard to call any morally-neutral learning useless.
One fairly well-known analogy for understanding the brain is the brain as a muscle. Researchers have seen it light up on scans when learning occurs, and we know that new learning prepares it for more learning. Memorization, new skills, new knowledge, aid in brain plasticity, which creates a healthy brain environment. Seriously, if people can make an argument for learning Latin, a dead language, surely knowing how to read a clock face - something that is still present in nearly every life setting - could be a good life skill. (Yes, practically everyone has a cell phone in their pocket now to aid them should they not be able to read the time, but do we really want our children to be MORE dependent on their phones?)
We also know that skills we learn when younger stay with us longer and integrate into a level of naturalness better than those learned later in life. Examples from my life of things I learned early and used often: tying shoes, playing piano, writing papers, cooking, cleaning, typing, and gardening. On the other hand, later in my life, I've attempted to learn to play the guitar, speak Spanish, write in italics, and format a paper in the APA style, with varying degrees of success. I can adapt the first list to my needs now, even if they're not used strictly in the exact nature in which it was taught (I don't write papers anymore, I blog; I don't often sit at a computer and type, but I'm familiar with the keyboard on my phone screen for texting; I don't always wear shoes with laces, but I can make a lovely bow when decorating gifts or craft projects). The things I wasn't taught when I was young aren't available to me in the same enriching way. Just because the application of a skill (like writing in cursive or reading an analog clock) may be elusive, it doesn't mean we need to send it the way of the dinosaurs.
Secondly, kids don't need a dumbed-down environment; they need a healthy one.
When I say this, I don't mean Lysol wipes and rubber mats. (Did you know that there is a recent trend to make playgrounds less "safe"?) Even the church has fallen prey to this one. Sunday school and youth group is plagued by curriculum filled with bite-sized theology. We pull kids out of the large group in the church service and send them off to children's church. (If you think I'm getting away from the morally-neutral premise of the first point, I'm not. How are kids going to learn to sit and pay attention in a world of sound bites and flashing screens if we don't ask it of them? How are they going to see themselves as part of a whole culture if they're only ever sequestered with those of their own age group? How are they going to learn to value other perspectives if they are only given one? How are they going to understand where they came from if they never interact with those who have gone before? How are they going to get good at thinking about things if we do all their thinking for them?)
No, what kids need is someplace they won't be preyed upon because they're weaker, where manners and how to apologize are modeled, where they know they're loved enough that it's ok to make mistakes and maybe even (gasp!) fail. They need someone who requires them to persevere in the face of obstacles. They need encouragement to do things that are hard at first.
If schools aren't going to be a place like that, maybe our kids shouldn't be there.
A week or more later though, I was having trouble falling back to sleep after a nighttime feeding for Baby, and I found my mind cycling through the cons to the school's decision. That's when I realized that I did care.
First, I decided, it's hard to call any morally-neutral learning useless.
One fairly well-known analogy for understanding the brain is the brain as a muscle. Researchers have seen it light up on scans when learning occurs, and we know that new learning prepares it for more learning. Memorization, new skills, new knowledge, aid in brain plasticity, which creates a healthy brain environment. Seriously, if people can make an argument for learning Latin, a dead language, surely knowing how to read a clock face - something that is still present in nearly every life setting - could be a good life skill. (Yes, practically everyone has a cell phone in their pocket now to aid them should they not be able to read the time, but do we really want our children to be MORE dependent on their phones?)
We also know that skills we learn when younger stay with us longer and integrate into a level of naturalness better than those learned later in life. Examples from my life of things I learned early and used often: tying shoes, playing piano, writing papers, cooking, cleaning, typing, and gardening. On the other hand, later in my life, I've attempted to learn to play the guitar, speak Spanish, write in italics, and format a paper in the APA style, with varying degrees of success. I can adapt the first list to my needs now, even if they're not used strictly in the exact nature in which it was taught (I don't write papers anymore, I blog; I don't often sit at a computer and type, but I'm familiar with the keyboard on my phone screen for texting; I don't always wear shoes with laces, but I can make a lovely bow when decorating gifts or craft projects). The things I wasn't taught when I was young aren't available to me in the same enriching way. Just because the application of a skill (like writing in cursive or reading an analog clock) may be elusive, it doesn't mean we need to send it the way of the dinosaurs.
Secondly, kids don't need a dumbed-down environment; they need a healthy one.
When I say this, I don't mean Lysol wipes and rubber mats. (Did you know that there is a recent trend to make playgrounds less "safe"?) Even the church has fallen prey to this one. Sunday school and youth group is plagued by curriculum filled with bite-sized theology. We pull kids out of the large group in the church service and send them off to children's church. (If you think I'm getting away from the morally-neutral premise of the first point, I'm not. How are kids going to learn to sit and pay attention in a world of sound bites and flashing screens if we don't ask it of them? How are they going to see themselves as part of a whole culture if they're only ever sequestered with those of their own age group? How are they going to learn to value other perspectives if they are only given one? How are they going to understand where they came from if they never interact with those who have gone before? How are they going to get good at thinking about things if we do all their thinking for them?)
No, what kids need is someplace they won't be preyed upon because they're weaker, where manners and how to apologize are modeled, where they know they're loved enough that it's ok to make mistakes and maybe even (gasp!) fail. They need someone who requires them to persevere in the face of obstacles. They need encouragement to do things that are hard at first.
If schools aren't going to be a place like that, maybe our kids shouldn't be there.
Friday, February 1, 2019
Life & Death
Proverbs 31:8
"Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute." ESV
"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; defend the rights of all those who have nothing." NCV
"Speak out for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all the destitute." NRSV
"Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die." NKJV
I've avoided my Facebook newsfeed over the last week or so. With a new baby staring up at me and postnatal hormones washing over me, it's too heart-wrenching to read over and over the implications of New York's new abortion law. Then, yesterday, I read Proverbs 31, although I really only got as far as verse 8.
How do we speak out for the unborn half a continent away? Even in a democratic republic like ours, it's hard to know what to do.
Do we rant on Facebook? Sign petitions? Write blog posts? Get out to vote in the next election?
Do Facebook posts change anyone's mind? Can a list of names really sway a politician over such an agenda-driven piece of legislation? What can another piece of cyber writing do that all the ones before it haven't? What good will my future vote here do for the babies who are dying today over there?
Maybe there's another way to open our mouths.
We can mourn.
We can be broken over the wickedness in our land.
We can grieve, privately and corporately.
We can, like Nehemiah, confess our people's sin.
We can ask God's intervention for the lives of the babies, yes, but also for the women and even the men who will be destroyed by one decision.
We can pray against the deceit of the enemy in the halls of capitol buildings as well as in the consultation rooms of abortion providers.
We can gather with other believers to pray for our children and for the children of our nation. (Any takers?)
We can live lives that value life.
We can reach out to the poor and homeless.
We can support the single mom or dad near us.
We can foster and adopt.
We can be patient with the mom ahead of us in the checkout line whose toddler begins to melt down.
We can teach our children of the intrinsic value of every single human being.
We can love the special needs individual.
We can adopt a zero-tolerance policy for bullying behavior or belittling words, spoken or typed.
We can make it our business to encourage the people we come into contact with each day.
We can be courteous to the fast food worker behind the counter and to the customer service rep on the phone.
We can care for the elderly neighbor.
We can take time for family dinner.
Because this isn't just about life in the womb. This is about life in all its forms. This is about fighting tooth and nail against the devil who "comes only to steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10 ESV). (Heaven help us if this is what it takes for the American Church to realize that... Heaven help us if the American Church doesn't realize it after this.)
This is about the kind of life that only Christ gives and only Christians can offer to a dying world - abundant life.
"Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute." ESV
"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; defend the rights of all those who have nothing." NCV
"Speak out for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all the destitute." NRSV
"Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die." NKJV
I've avoided my Facebook newsfeed over the last week or so. With a new baby staring up at me and postnatal hormones washing over me, it's too heart-wrenching to read over and over the implications of New York's new abortion law. Then, yesterday, I read Proverbs 31, although I really only got as far as verse 8.
How do we speak out for the unborn half a continent away? Even in a democratic republic like ours, it's hard to know what to do.
Do we rant on Facebook? Sign petitions? Write blog posts? Get out to vote in the next election?
Do Facebook posts change anyone's mind? Can a list of names really sway a politician over such an agenda-driven piece of legislation? What can another piece of cyber writing do that all the ones before it haven't? What good will my future vote here do for the babies who are dying today over there?
Maybe there's another way to open our mouths.
We can mourn.
We can be broken over the wickedness in our land.
We can grieve, privately and corporately.
We can, like Nehemiah, confess our people's sin.
We can ask God's intervention for the lives of the babies, yes, but also for the women and even the men who will be destroyed by one decision.
We can pray against the deceit of the enemy in the halls of capitol buildings as well as in the consultation rooms of abortion providers.
We can gather with other believers to pray for our children and for the children of our nation. (Any takers?)
We can live lives that value life.
We can reach out to the poor and homeless.
We can support the single mom or dad near us.
We can foster and adopt.
We can be patient with the mom ahead of us in the checkout line whose toddler begins to melt down.
We can teach our children of the intrinsic value of every single human being.
We can love the special needs individual.
We can adopt a zero-tolerance policy for bullying behavior or belittling words, spoken or typed.
We can make it our business to encourage the people we come into contact with each day.
We can be courteous to the fast food worker behind the counter and to the customer service rep on the phone.
We can care for the elderly neighbor.
We can take time for family dinner.
Because this isn't just about life in the womb. This is about life in all its forms. This is about fighting tooth and nail against the devil who "comes only to steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10 ESV). (Heaven help us if this is what it takes for the American Church to realize that... Heaven help us if the American Church doesn't realize it after this.)
This is about the kind of life that only Christ gives and only Christians can offer to a dying world - abundant life.
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Faith & Courage
Eight days ago, faith and courage met, and my world changed.
But it wasn't purely MY faith and courage. At times, my faith was fear and courage had fled; it was then that the faith and courage of others carried the transformation.
The world change?
The birth of my second daughter.
"The second time is easier," they say. "The second time is shorter," they [nearly] promise.
My second time was harder, and it was actually the same length as the first.
There were times I wanted to quit; those around me (literally) held me up.
There were times I didn't think I could finish; they cheered me on.
So much of life is a marathon - harder and longer and more discouraging than we thought it would be.
It's in those times that we ride the wings of the faith and courage of those around us.
That is, if those around us have faith and courage.
Who surrounds you today?
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